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Prompt thread

"Mrs. Hudson took my skull."

Tell us why Mrs. Hudson took Sherlock's skull.

A) Is she lonely and, like Sherlock, wanted someone to talk to?
B) Does she just want to mess with Sherlock and uses the skull to hold clandestine tea parties?
C) Any other reason the anon can think up?

I went for C) because of this image I have from Advice Sherlock:


750 words. John/Sherlock. Mrs. Hudson. Lestrade. Kissing at the end. Also I think a degree of crack.

The short version: 

"Ooh," said Mrs. Hudson, "I'd better make sure Sherlock keeps hold of that nice boyfriend of his."

"John," said Sherlock beatifically, "You're much much better than a skull. Much softer."

That nice young man of Sherlock’s was never going to get a look-in, Mrs. Hudson thought. Not with that horrible old skull still there. She knew Sherlock was a bit of a funny one, but, as she’d said Mrs. Turner next door only the day before, he was a sweetheart underneath it all. Look at the way he’d fallen for Dr. Watson! She couldn’t say how long they’d been together, Dr. Watson wasn’t the type to give much away, but he must have done something quite wonderful to make Sherlock decide he was the one. And here they were moving in together. If that wasn’t the definition of romantic she’d burn her Christian Fall novels.

The only problem now was whether, now Sherlock had him to himself, he would pay attention to him like he ought to. Little compliments here and there, for example. Mr. Hudson had known the value of a well-placed compliment. It was one of the reasons there was still a tender spot in Mrs Hudson’s heart for Mr. Hudson, even with all the murdering and so on he’d been partial to.

Sherlock, though, wasn’t a talkative sort - not in the way to make someone think “Oh, I’m so glad I’m going with him; he really knows how to make a girl think she’s the only one in the world that matters.” (Mrs. Hudson firmly believed that many a marriage could have been saved if one or other partner had only been told every so often that his hair looked nice, or that his new tie really brought out the colour of his eyes.)

The problem was the skull. It didn’t talk back, and that was why Sherlock liked it. But if he spent all his time addressing himself to that thing, poor John would start feeling unwanted. She could see it now - Sherlock wouldn’t mean to drive him away! But slowly Dr. Watson would start to feel inadequate, would see Sherlock turning again and again to the inanimate skull on the mantelpiece instead of the real, loving flesh-and-blood of Dr. Watson, and begin to lose affection for him. And that would be awful, and Mrs. Turner would never let her live it down. Sherlock and Dr. Watson were her responsibility now. And it would be terrible trouble to find another set of tenants afterwards.

She made sure her rubber washing-up gloves were firmly on and picked the skull up gingerly in both hands. Oh, what a relief to get rid of it. It would save on the dusting too. Not that she was their housekeeper. But sometimes the mess did get a bit much.


“John,” said Sherlock dreamily, as John kissed his neck, “John.”

“Sherlock,” said John, just to say his name again. He curled his fingers into Sherlock’s hair and bit at his ear.

Sherlock sighed happily. “To think, if Mrs. Hudson hadn’t taken my skull that day, I might be still taking it with me to crime scenes in my pocket and talking to it! And here you are, so helpful, and it's so much better.”

John stopped kissing him and said, “I don’t think it's just because of the skull, Sherlock -”

“Of course it is,” said Sherlock. “Look at you now! This is exactly what I did with my skull before my habits were so rudely interrupted.” He gestured at the corpse lying on the pavement, the crime-scene tape, the flashing lights, Donovan smirking. “I took it to crime scenes and used it to help me deduce things. It was certainly better than trying to talk to Anderson. Tell him, Lestrade.”

Lestrade, standing next to them, coughed. “Er, yes, well. You were quite attached to that skull. I would say though that your behavior with Dr. Watson here hasn’t been quite the same as with the skull - in fact I’ve had a few questions from higher up regarding, ah, your - how do I say this delicately - your snogging Dr. Watson senseless every time you show up to help.”

“It helps me consolidate my deductions!” said Sherlock. “Obviously, otherwise why would I do it? And so public, too, so distasteful, I can't imagine why you'd think anything else.”

“Why indeed,” said Lestrade. His eyes glanced pointedly downwards to something. Sherlock followed his gaze. He was only looking at Sherlock holding John’s hand, so Sherlock ignored it.

“Right!” said Sherlock breezily, “Everyone who isn’t John, turn around!"

"Why?" asked Donovan, scowling.

"Um," said John. "This part of the deducing is only for Sherlock and me.”

Donovan sighed. Donovan turned around. Donovan put her hands over her ears, thought furiously about the case, and paid no attention to the noises coming from behind her. It was at times like these that she really, truly missed the skull.

At least the skull didn't moan.

as always notes: so, um, the second part clearly belongs to a totally different prompt, something like 'Sherlock and John have sex at crime scenes because it helps Sherlock think.' Alas I don't know if that has actually ever been prompted. This is slightly edited/changed from the original posting. Good goddamn but Mrs. Hudson p.o.v is fun. OH YEAH and there I go with the Christian Fall reference, obviously this happens in the same universe as Mycroft's erotic fiction. Also I used the word 'snogging', I hate the word 'snogging', but I can imagine Lestrade saying it.

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